Players: Husband and wife.

Activists: Both.

Setting: Home or hotel.

Aim: Appeal to perverse fantasies in order to awaken repressed feelings and memories.

Game Plan: The perverse couple will already have played— or thought about playing—games like this. Indeed, they may have engaged in sadomasochistic sex to the point where they are saturated and cynical. To some, this game may seem mild, but if the instructions are followed precisely, it contains an important twist that can bring about change.

Basically, in this game one spouse ties up the other and pretends to degrade and ravish him or her. However, in this game the spouse who in actuality or fantasy generally prefers to be the dominant spouse is encouraged to take the role of the victim, and vice versa. When the spouse who wants to be dominant is asked to be submissive, and the spouse who wants to be submissive is asked to be dominant, each is forced to confront aspects of themselves that they unconsciously deny. The one who prefers being dominant disowns his or her potential “weakness” and the associated negative judgments of a degrading sort, projecting them onto the victim. The one who prefers being submissive feels guilty and seeks punishment, denying his or her rage and masochism yet identifying with the aggressor (the spouse) as the latter performs degrading and abusive acts.

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