The neat spouse will most probably be amused and beguiled by this surprising turnaround. He or she may pop right out of bed and grab the slob-spouse and begin kissing or mounting behavior. However, the slob-spouse should resist this initial attempt.

“Don’t. We have work to do.”

“It can wait.”

“How can you say that? You who have always been so gung-ho about everything? Look at the dust on those window sills! Look at the scum on those beams! Please—we have work to do.”

“Just one kiss.”

“I said no. Not until we finish.”

The slob-spouse must insist on finishing all the work before he or she is willing to give in to the sexual desire. This, of course, mirrors the way in which the neat spouse generally operates—and it may well infuriate the latter. But this is as it should be: The anger that is generally acted out through the obsessive-compulsive rituals of orderliness will come to the surface and be dealt with. Both partners will be able to express their anger. The discussion—or argument—will at first center on the importance of orderliness as opposed to slovenliness, but eventually it will go deeper, to fears of inner disorder, filth, shame, loss of control, and insanity. These are fears that may lead to memories of past traumas.

The couple may or may not have sex on this occasion. When they do, it will have new meaning as a result of this game, and will be less hampered by obsessive-compulsive rituals.

*131/196/1*